


Behind Those Headphones

by endlessnight



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Song Lyrics, Song fic, Underage Kissing, the headphones story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-28
Updated: 2015-10-28
Packaged: 2018-04-28 16:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,453
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/endlessnight/pseuds/endlessnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>/song fic inspired by Favourite Record by Fall Out Boy/</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Why are you always wearing headphones, Tsukki?”<br/>Yamaguchi was leaning forward to his friend. They were sitting on the floor in Yamaguchi's bedroom, a pile of books on the desk in front of them, so much homework to do that could take them all night.</p>
<p>'Why does he keep asking, anyway? As if I could possibly tell him' he thought. 'That he is the reason. He's always been the reason I can't be logic and rational or sarcastic all the time.'</p>
            </blockquote>





	Behind Those Headphones

**Author's Note:**

> here's your weekly haikyuu fic that i didn't manage to post on the right day again !!! Thanks for putting up with me and leaving comments and kudos, you're lovely <3  
> this is the song fic no one needed about tsukki's headphones -you can really tell i've been to a fall out boy concert recently-

“Why are you always wearing headphones, Tsukki?”

Yamaguchi was leaning forward to his friend. They were sitting on the floor in Yamaguchi's bedroom, a pile of books on the desk in front of them, so much homework to do that could take them all night.

“I already told you, haven't I?”

“Yeah but we're in my house so I don't really see the point...? Besides, I wanna hear it again, please?” Tsukishima took a deep breath. Yamaguchi had always been interested in every little thing about Tsukki so he ended up often asking the same questions over and over. He just really loved listening to Tsukki talking about himself for a bit.

“I used to get songs stuck in my head literally all the time and I needed to listen to them in loop cause it helps me. So I started always bringing headphones with me even though now it doesn't happen as much.”

“It helps you do what?” Yamaguchi was leaning forward even more. His interested big eyes got close to Tsukishima's face so that he could count the freckles on his skin. _Cute_ , he thought.

“Like, relax and concentrate, and well, stuff... So I still always have them.”

“But we're inside now and supposed to study.” Yamaguchi for some unknown reason was simply trying, again, to make him take those goddamn headphones off for once in his life.

“Shut up Yamaguchi. It's kind of a habit, you know? I don't wanna take them off, it's as simple as that.”

“Did you ever fall asleep with them?”

“It happened... Sometimes.” Yamaguchi laughed and dropped the pen that was in his hand.

“Sorry Tsukki” he said instantly, anticipating the 'Shut up Yamaguchi' already forming on his friend's lips.

“I kinda feel you, in some way, you know?” he added, “I get stuck with a lot of things on my mind, like all the time.” There was a moment of silence between them, Yamaguchi suddenly got quiet and blushed a little.

“Should we continue revising now?”

“Mmmh.”

 

_And I spin for you like your favourite records used to._

 

It was a habit of Yamaguchi to ask a lot of questions to his childhood friend, just like it was a habit for Tsukishima to still always wear his headphones at all times, but Tsukishima didn't always want to provide answers. Sometimes it was embarrassing, sometimes he didn't remember exactly the anecdote Yamaguchi wanted to hear from when they were little, sometimes he just didn't feel like talking much. This was the first case. Tsukishima didn't want Yamaguchi to find out why he would still fall asleep with the music on, and why he would listen to some songs on repeat on the way to school, while waiting for class, often also during homework and even meals. He thought it was too awkward, he didn't even want to admit it to himself.  _I listen to lovesick melancholic pop-rock songs all the time cause I'm hopelessly in love_. No, he would never say that out loud, just trying in his own head was a torture.  _I'm hopelessly in love with a friend_. He wanted to slap himself in the face for thinking that. It was indeed true, but he never allowed himself to think about it too much. Listening to those songs was alright, thinking about _him_ wasn't. Thinking about him _that way_ was very far from okay.

The thing of Tsukishima getting stucked with songs on his mind started around the time when he met Yamaguchi. Deep down he knew there was a connection between the two things, he never admitted it to himself but he's always known, so it wasn't really a surprise when he found himself looking forward to meeting him again everyday when they were little. It wasn't a shock when he found himself thinking about his friend during classes, imagining what he would talk about when they would walk home together. He thought he was happy to have a friend, or better, he convinced himself that was the only reason of him feeling that weird grip in his stomach everytime he saw Yamaguchi waiting for him outside the school to walk alone together for a while. Growing up he understood, he called those feeling by their real name, he realised he wasn't only happy to see him but _those_ were _butterflies_ in his stomach.  _He must never know_ , he told himself, _he will leave me if he knew. How disgusting I am. I can't lose him._ So Tsukishima started bottling up everything since he began to realise he'd fallen in love with his best friend. And yes, the only thing that made the pain in his chest ache less was listening to pretty sad songs a lot of the time. Sad songs, happy songs, every kind of music really reminded him of Yamaguchi. It wasn't the fact Yamaguchi was being nice to him alone, Tsukishima really loved _everything_ about him. Those black and funny hair, the big curious eyes, his voice when he called him by his stupid nickname, his hands even if he wasn't a pro at playing volleyball after all. Most of all those freckled cheeks and nose that everyone made fun of. He often thought Yamaguchi was too good for him, he deserved better company, he could make better friends and even find a girlfriend if he wanted to. Why did he spend so much time with him? He was surely grateful, but Tsukishima was constantly scared of losing him, most of all because he had fallen for him and he was terrified of him finding out. Whenever these thoughts became too much of a burden to handle, Tsukishima would put on his headphones and forget about the world, blasting some sad music and focusing on his feelings alone until his heart would calm down. Until the image of Yamaguchi holding him and kissing him had disappeared.

 

Tsukishima laid on his bed, thinking about Yamaguchi's questions a lot, that night.  _Why does he keep asking, anyway? As if I could possibly tell him_ , he thought. _That he is the reason. He's always been the reason I can't be logic and rational or sarcastic all the time._ No, Yamaguchi could ask him a thousand times, he would never answer those questions. He didn't have the courage to expose himself like that, to admit he'd always been in love with his best friend. He wanted to keep that a secret for the rest of their lives, if possible. But the world had other plans for Tsukishima.

 

 

“Say, Tsukki” Yamaguchi asked him one day, all of a sudden, while they were cleaning up the gym after everyone had left already. “Did you notice you've been acting weird lately?” Tsukishima almost choked on his spit.

“I-I don't know what you're talking about.”

“It's not like you're avoiding me or whatever, but when we're together you space out more than usual, you seem annoyed... I get it if you're bored of me or something... I just wanna know if I did anything wrong to cause this. If I did, you know I'm sorry, right? I'm sorry, Tsuk-”

“Enough of this already” he stopped him, only realising the moment after he spoke how cold and harsh his words sounded.

“I'm okay. There's no need for you to worry. I don't know why you should, to be honest. It's always the same between us, you did nothing. End of the conversation.”

Tsukishima couldn't even look at him in the eyes. He had so many things he wanted to get off his chest but he promised to himself everyday that he wouldn't, for the sake of Yamaguchi, for their friendship, to make sure to never lose him over something so stupid like falling in love. He was more important than a requited love. He just needed him to be by his side.

“Tsukki.” That was the only reply, only his name, but it hurt like hell. It hurt because Tsukishima knew what kind of face Yamaguchi was wearing, even if he wasn't looking: he knew he was sad, maybe disappointed, angry with himself for doing something wrong because of course Yamaguchi was after all still convinced it was his fault for Tsukishima to behave like that. Which was kind of true in a way, it _was_ Yamaguchi's fault for being so gentle, for being such a goddamned beautiful human being and for bearing with Tsukishima who was so not like him, who just didn't deserve Yamaguchi's attention at all.

“Oi...” He tried so hard to choke down everything he wanted to say, and ended up only telling him: “Please don't cry.” But Yamaguchi was already crying. Tsukishima hated himself for it, but he didn't know what else to do. He left the gym. He left him alone, crying, thinking his best friend hated him or something, when it was truly the opposite.

 

 

It felt like having to overcome a breakup, the pain was pretty much the same and he felt as though him and Yamaguchi could never be together again. They would ignore each other at school. They didn't talk anymore during practice, and even though everyone else on the team had noticed, Yamaguchi said he was fine with that and no one mentioned it again for the sake of not causing a scene in front of everyone.  _I need to do something. I need to talk to him. I restrained myself all this time and then I ended up losing him anyway._ Tsukishima was truly miserable. Trying to catch a glimpse of Yamaguchi's tired and red eyes during practice, careful not to be seen by anyone, especially Yamaguchi himself. He knew his friend had been crying a lot lately, he himself couldn't help but crying a bit that night after their last talk. Music wasn't helping anymore, at this point. He thought about calling Yamaguchi but he figured that wouldn't help much, since Yamaguchi didn't really like to talk on the phone, and this was a problem that needed to be solved face to face. He didn't even _think_ he could face Yamauchi over something like that, just the thought alone scared him to death. But he needed to do something. Yamaguchi was one of the few things in his life that felt right. It was like playing volleyball: he wasn't always confident, he wasn't always sure they'd win, and in fact Karasuno as a team didn't always manage to win, but they all tried their best and when they did win it felt incredible. This was the exact same feeling he had while being with Yamaguchi. He was insecure but his friend always made him relax and feel better. He was afraid of losing him, he kept reminding himself to try hard to hide his secret from him, but being with him alone without having his heart was still his favourite thing, after all.

 

 

It was raining that day but Tsukishima headed out anyway, determined to visit Yamaguchi's house and ring that goddamned bell and take him out no matter at what cost. It was easier than expected because once he arrived at the house he found a soaked Yamaguchi standing on the doorstep.

“Hey” Yamaguchi greeted him with a shy and awkward smile on his face. He looked miserable as well.

“Hi.”

“Do you wanna come in?”

“N-no.”

Yamaguchi stood there, both still under the rain, not sure what to do.

“My parents aren't home.” Yamaguchi added, looking very serious and a bit concerned. Tsukishima didn't bother replying, he was too busy trying to collect his thoughts. He was there for real, standing in front of him at his door and he couldn't even look at him, guilt dripping from him and pouring down like the rain that sunk in his clothes. Yamaguchi was the one to talk again.

“You're soaked too, maybe we shoul-”

“I said no, I'm fine. I needed to see you.”

Yamaguchi left his mouth hanging open, clearly holding his breath.

“I'm here” Yamaguchi muttered eventually. Tsukishima didn't know why, but those words hurt like he'd just been stabbed in the chest.

_You're here._

“I wanna talk to you but I don't know how. There are some things I wanna say but... I can't. I- I don't know.” Tsukishima tried to steady his breath, which was suddenly very irregular. In and out. In and out. It had always been so simple, just looking at Yamaguchi's face had always calmed him down, so why did he feel like this now? He realised he couldn't breathe properly. He felt his arms start shaking and he realised- _yeah_. He was kind of sort of having a panic attack. In front of Yamaguchi.

“Tsukki! Are you okay? Oh my g- Tsukki get inside!” A really worried Yamaguchi pulled him by his sweater and forced him inside his house. Thankfully once again there was his best friend taking care of him, he didn't know what he would do without him, truly.

 

After nearly passing out on Yamaguchi's bed, he managed to sit down feeling quite calm and managed to change his shirt into a dry one, one of Yamaguchi's shirts- _shit._ It was just a shirt but it was _his_ and it smelled like _him_.

“Are you feeling better?” Yamaguchi was so extremely worried about him, all concentrated on making him recover like nothing had happened between them, like it was just the usual Kei and Tadashi being together, as always.

Tsukishima sighed in relief. Maybe it wasn't all lost, then.

“Yeah. Uh, thanks for this” he said, pointing at the shirt.

“It's nothing. Do you want some water? Maybe tea? Just tell me and I'll make tea, or whatever you feel like-”

“I'm fine now.”

Tsukishima stared at his hands, not really knowing what to do next. Right, he needed to talk.

“Was there something you wanted to talk about? We can talk, I mean, if you feel like it. Or we can just sit here until you feel like going home. I'm fine with both.”

Always so gentle and caring.

“We need to talk.” _If I don't do it now I'm gonna regret it for the rest of my life._

“You know those headphones of mine, right?”

Yamaguchi's eyes widened. “You're not wearing them!” he'd noticed just now.

Tsukishima nodded. “I didn't want to tell you the actual reason of me always bringing them along no matter what I do but... Maybe you should know. Maybe this can help us... I don't know.” It was weird for Yamaguchi to see his friend so uncertain, when Tsukishima had always been the one to always have the right answers, always know the right words to say at the right time. He was for some reason weak and he had no idea why.

“Uh, how should I put this...” _Just say it, idiot. Say it._

Tsukishima took a deep breath and then spilled those words.

“I'm in love.”

_What. Not like that. Shit. No no no no._

Yamaguchi was staring at him with wide eyes.

“That's great, I guess?” _No, you don't understand._

“It's not like that. You know when you said you kinda get me? That you get stuck with things often so you understand how I feel about music? It's that. Except the fact that I sort of lied to you. I don't get stuck with songs. I get stuck with other things and that's why I listen to music, like it's my therapy. I get stuck with people. No, it only happened once, to be honest. I got stuck with you.”

Yamaguchi blinked. Tsukishima could see the tears forming in his huge gorgeous dark eyes. God, he hoped Yamaguchi wasn't on the edge of crying because of that mention of him being in love with someone else, because that... No, he didn't have time to think about that. He still had a lot more to say. He needed to explain himself better, he wished he had more words to use to tell him just how much he loved him.

“With... Me?”

_Yes, idiot, YOU!_ He wanted to shout. “Why are you so surprised?”

“I just... Don't really understand...” Yeah, Yamaguchi was definitely shedding some tears at this point, because of the tension accumulated after not talking to each other for so long, because of all the feelings he'd kept secret as well.

“It wasn't the songs! It was you! You kept me up so many nights cause I couldn't stop thinking about you since the very first day I met you, I didn't need to listen to certain songs all the time because of the songs themselves but because of _you_ , because I love thinking about you and music helps. Because all I ever waneted was to have you. There was no song in itself, you understand? _You_ were the song. You were the song stuck in my head, every song that I've ever loved.”

Yamaguchi started actually sobbing. Tsukishima thought he said something wrong that hurt him but then- Tadashi reached out and hugged him. He wrapped his arms tight around Tsukishima, still feeling a bit of the coldness from earlier, not caring about the fact he was literally crying on his friend's shoulder and sobbing very loud.

Tsukishima felt so relieved he felt on the edge of crying as well, but he didn't care, he managed to confess his feelings to the most important person in his life and that was more than enough for him. Honestly he didn't expect Yamaguchi to reply to his confession, he was okay with him just knowing his feelings and accepting them without having to return them, so he was far from ready to what Yamaguchi did next: after that pretty long hug on Yamaguchi's bed, he looked at Tsukishima straight in the eyes and smiled, then he brushed their lips together.

Tsukishima felt his heart in his chest stop. It skipped a beat. Maybe even two, or three.

Yamaguchi had kissed him and now was staring at him with such beautiful eyes, still a bit watery but beautiful nontheless. He didn't know what to do or say but Yamguchi didn't leave him much time to react as he reattached their lips together soon after. It was a much better kiss than the first one. Tsukishima could feel the touch of Yamaguchi's wet cheeks but he tried to focus on the kiss more than that, and when Yamaguchi slowly opened his mouth and pushed his tongue a little forward, Tsukishima felt like something in his chest was about to explode or tear him apart from the inside. He was _aching_ for more. He never allowed himself to think about his best friend that way much, so actually having him was... incredible. Yamaguchi licked his lips and tugged his hands in Tsukishima's shirt- which was his, actually. Tsukishima's brain was literally melting, everything of him was melting at that point, he had no idea if he was doing it right, he had no idea when it was the moment to stop and maybe explain a few more things, he wanted to ask so many questions but _god_ , Yamaguchi's tongue was warm and he wondered how cute he must have looked while kissing him. Yeah, _Yamaguchi was kissing him_ , like it was the only thing he'd ever wanted in his life.

He wanted to say his name, to moan it, so he parted their lips and almost breathed out 'Yamaguchi' but he knew it didn't feel right. “Tadashi.” he whispered in the end.

“Tadashi.”

_Tadashi_.

“I thought I lost you for good.” He replied, clearly seeming to start crying again very soon.

“Yeah, I thought so too.”

“I can't believe you like me.”

“I love you, idiot.” Yamaguchi blushed and hugged him again.

“That was my first kiss” Yamaguchi said after a while, breaking the silence. “You were my first kiss. This is my first time of... Everything. I've never been in love with anyone. But since you were my first best friend and now my first kiss I think I don't mind you being my first love, too.”

“Wait, so- you like me? You never told me!” Tsukishima was yet again surprised, he never imagined his friend could actually have feelings for him as well. In his wildest dreams the best scenario he could imagine was only Yamaguchi accepting his love but never being able to love him back, and that was more than okay.

“I care about you a lot. I've always cared so much without never asking myself if it was more than friendship, and I think it was... I like you. I like you, Kei. I wanna fall in love with you too...” he said blushing slightly, “and I think I'm already falling.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> hands up if you're not ready for the next haikyuu ep cause you know which one it is. it's called Greed and i don't wanna talk about it--


End file.
